“Es ist schwer, die richtigen Worte zu finden” (It is hard to find the right words) is an artists’ book about compassionate grief. It re-contextualises the process of correspondence with condolence mail from the perspective of an autistic grieving recipient revisiting old writings, seeking to re-evaluate them. In this, it follows two questions: What are the words used to communicate compassionate grief in a specific case? How are the words packaged visually?

To this end and following a wish for order in an array of disorderly items, wishing to bring comfort in clear structure, 91 transcripts of mail from a close death in my family are broken down into structural text parts which are sorted, distilling it to leave in only dominant words and phrases, fragments just big enough to make out a message, fleeting as if skimmed over. This is followed by grids of all cards and envelopes sent.

Until now a dissection rather than a conversation with a deeply emotional subject, the publication is closed by a 92nd (and last) letter written during the assembly of the book by me to my younger self during the time of receiving all mail presented before. Moving the book away from an intellectual exercise, this last chapter articulates the fundamental purpose of the book: to express confusion about the nature of these correspondences as an autistic person as well as an expression of empathy and reconciliation to oneself as a person inexperienced with the responsibilities of grief, autistic or not.